1. Ukraine is not under an icecap and it's nowhere near Siberia, Russia
Friends, Ukraine is green. It’s as green a place I’ve ever seen, and it looks like this because of its deeply rich black soil. Furthermore, Ukraine’s agricultural sector is one of the nation’s primary chances for developing its economic prowess- yes, Europe, watch the f*** out!
When I first arrived in Ukraine, my Ukrainian husband took me shopping- no, not for diamonds or mink coats, but for groceries. We be hungry, people. Everything about a Ukrainian supermarket is like that of any western-world supermarket (i.e. an American supermarket, an Italian supermarket, a Dutch supermarket, etc. etc.) And believe it or not, they too organize their vegetables in their vegetable section, and their fruits in their fruit section. Бабці (pronounced ‘babtsi’ and meaning ‘grandmas’) in head shawls aren’t pointing at you with their arthritis fingers and shouting with their toothless grins to buy their home crafted ковбаси (pronounced ‘kovbasy’ and meaning ‘sausage’), халва (pronounced ‘halva’ and meaning ‘a sweet dessert made of nuts and caramel’), or холодець (pronounced ‘holodets’ and meaning ‘meats and poultry boiled and set to cool, forming a gelatinous solid’- YUM!). As a matter of fact, if Ukrainian supermarkets are guilty of anything, it’s their playing slightly relaxing yet ever more irritating house music to set the store’s ambiance. But that’s beside the point.
One of my many favorite places in Ukraine is Карпати (pronounced ‘Carpaty’); aka the Carpathians. They’re magical, mystical and yes Ukrainian fairies really do live there. And what grows in the Carpathians is an abundance of lavish earth so magnificent it’s as if you’re in that part of the final Lord of the Rings movie where the dwarves find food and shelter in a most beautiful place and shortly after enter an enchanted forest where they’re attacked by gigantic monster spiders. Anyway… Some of the most delicious foods I’ve ever consumed have even come from Carpathian soils and those that consume it- бринза (pronounced ‘brynza’ and meaning ‘goat cheese’), кулеша (pronounced ‘kulesha’ and meaning ‘cornmeal’), суниця (pronounced ‘sunytsya’ and meaning ‘small wild strawberry’), чорниця (pronounced ‘chornytsya’ and meaning ‘blackberries’), журавлина (pronounced ‘zhuravlyna’ and meaning ‘cranberries’); the list goes on. And no, I’ve never grown extra limbs or a third eye from eating Ukrainian-made-or-grown foods… we’ll get to the issue of Chornobyl later.
Lastly, Ukraine is far, far away from Siberia, Russia. So far in fact, that Siberia is closer to China than to Russia, however it’s a part of Russia, and Russia is so east of Ukraine, it’s not even Europe. Kapeesh?
2. Ukraine is not primarily Russian-speaking
Дорогі друзі (pronounced ‘dorohi druzi’ and which means ‘dear friends’ in Ukrainian), you’ve read that right, Ukraine is not primarily Russian-speaking. In fact, Ukraine is a nation of natural polyglots. Honestly, unless you’re living out in a хутір (something smaller than a village and consisting of about 3-4 houses), you could live your whole life in Ukraine never truly having to learn the national language (i.e. Ukrainian), because Ukrainians, from personal experience, are at the ready to speak the many languages they know with you and fluently- including Spanish, Italian, French, German, Polish, English, and lastly, Russian. In fact, as an example, my Ukrainian (a.k.a. my husband) speaks five languages: Ukrainian, Polish, English, French and Russian (he is the least fluent with the latter). I have come to realize that many foreigners probably think that Ukrainians are primarily Russian-speaking because when they see you struggling with Ukrainian, they automatically switch to Russian. There is this understanding that foreigners would know Russian before they would know Ukrainian, and it makes sense; Russian is spoken across 15 post-soviet republics (Armenia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Estonia, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Russia, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukraine, and Uzbekistan). I get it; this has been my experience too. But hold your foot down! I got to a point where I was so adamant about learning Ukrainian that I started to dominate conversations, and soon friends who would feel inclined to speak English with me to ease my suffrage of learning a most beautifully difficult language, were soon speaking strictly Ukrainian with me. Любі українці, дякую дуже за ваше терпіння.
Furthermore, much of Ukraine provides English translations; because it’s the global language after all. And, well, Ukrainians breathe, eat and sleep globalization. There was a time, which I can remember well, when even the Kyiv metro was in nothing but Ukrainian; ohhhh the many times I got lost in the Kyiv metro abyss, with no cell service and very little knowledge of the local language (yes, I may write a post concerning ‘what not to do when foreign, dumb and abroad’). But when the European Soccer Championship came in 2012, it was as if the country transformed overnight and soon Ukrainians popped out of everywhere speaking all of the world’s tongues and fluently. It was a great time for Ukraine and one with such potential. Shame on all of the media coverage concerning Ukrainians being racist and dangerous (we’ll cover this later, too); but they trudged through it. If I had a копійок (pronounced ‘kopiok’ and which is the national currency of Ukraine) for every time I heard a visiting foreigner say “Ukraine is flippin’ amazing!”, well, I wouldn’t be very rich, but I’d have a shit load of kopiok.
3. Ukraine is not gray, decrepit or apocalyptic from the cold war era or Chornobyl disaster
My people, Ukraine is one of the most architecturally rich places I’ve ever seen in east Europe. And it’s also home to a jackpot of UNESCO world heritage sites; beautifully preserved and protected. To understand why, you must travel way back in time to the beginning of its time…. You following?
Let’s begin.
First off, Ukrainians are said to be descendants of one of the world’s most ancient tribal cultures: the 5,000 years ancient Trypillians. In fact, they’re so ancient that all we know about them today is that they lived to about 25 years of age (as a full life span), lived in circular-designed villages which they would burn up before hitting the road again, and that they made a lot of beautiful stuff out of clay; some of which has been identified as religious relics. That’s about it. The strangest resemblance between the Trypillians and Ukrainians, however, is that I’ve seen Trypillian art, which is mostly finely painted depictions of elements of earth, flora and fauna, and I’ve also seen Ukrainian art, and they’re eerily similar. In fact, Ukrainians paint писанки (pronounced ‘pysanky’ and meaning ‘an ornately designed and decorated Easter egg’) with images almost identical to those painted by the Trypillians. This is the type of shit that makes me believe in aliens.
Anyway, let’s fast forward to 7th century Ukraine when it was colonized by lavish Greek city-states. Speckled along its shores with ancient Greek processional gateways, public squares, and storied colonnades formalized with structure and decoration, this was a period and perfect example of Ukraine’s rich history.
Next was the epoch of 988 when Kyivan Rus was baptized. This was an era of medieval state architectural marvel. Strongly influenced by the Byzantines, Kyivan Rus became an epicenter of monumental architecture; one such example is that of 18th century St. Sophia, which although built many centuries later, is a perfect reflection of architecture from that time. With its frescoes and mosaics of gold and jewels, St. Sophia is a true wonder, a splendor.
Following was Mongol influence; brought to Ukrainian land in true Mongol style- lethal invasion. They didn’t build anything, but they ruined nearly everything in their path, aside from castles, fortified monasteries and towering fortresses that withstood their attacks. Today, many of Ukraine’s architectural gems are slightly blemished by historic Mongol attacks and naturally tell a striking story about a part of history they shared with Ukraine.
Lytovskyy Knyzivstvo proceeded (1236), and was one of the largest European countries in the latter half of the middle ages, under which Ukraine presided. Architectural influence during this time was that of vast fortification systems, intended to ward conflicting nations from taking over. Buildings were thus made with small windows, just big enough for archery soldiers to shoot from. Later came unsuspecting bunkers hidden in surrounding forests, intended to kill oncoming commands before their penetration of the kingdom’s walls.
Rich Pospolyta followed (1569), and became central Europe’s first federation, and one of the largest, as a matter of fact. The culture of this time was Sarmatism which formed the basis of baroque style architecture; colorful, bold and chunky.
The Austrian-Hungarian Empire eventually made way (1867) and was a monarchy of parliamentary excellence. An autonomous region, Austria-Hungary was two monarchies that shared equal jurisdiction over the ruling of their lands. The Austrians maintained the baroque style implemented by the Polish of Rich Pospolyta, but added their own twist to ornate balconies and building facades, while the Hungarians inserted their taste for brick architecture with Romanesque features and tympanums.
Then came World Wars I and II, both of which brought solid arsenals to the country, followed by Stalinist architecture of the Soviet Union.
And finally we have modern Ukraine- a mix of new and old; a flash flood of art nouveau and contemporary architecture. Ukrainians have even gotten ever more creative over the years, finding ways to make do with the proliferation of soviet bloc style architecture by turning it into marketable tourist attractions- look up the 2012 Biennale.
Now 25 years as an independent country, Ukraine continues to preserve her architecture for all to everlastingly treasure for many more years to come.
Now, Chornobyl- despite the fact it was one of the most devastating occurrences in modern-day Ukraine, Ukrainians are surprisingly humorous about it. I will never forget when I visited a bazar (much different from a supermarket) and saw the largest grapefruit of my life. The thing was like the size of a soccer ball. And my gaping mouth must have been the dead giveaway of my obvious shock over the thing that the babstya selling it, grinned slowly and said, “з Чорнобиля”, meaning “from Chornobyl”. Now, although I’ve never visited Chornobyl myself (they permit some media and special tours), I know that Chornobyl is just as green as any other part of central-west-and-eastern Ukraine. And I know this, why? Because of the Internet. Not to mention, I’ve met journalists that have visited, and they too confirmed the rumors- no three-eyed wolves, no eight-legged babsti, just beautiful, luscious and overgrown Ukrainian territory. Yes, the radiation is said to take 200 years to deplete, but there are still Ukrainians that live there despite the danger. Holly Morris, an American documentary producer and author filmed a documentary called "The Babushkas of Chernobyl" (two things wrong with this title, btw:
the Ukrainian word for ‘babushka’ is ‘babtsi’, and
its Chornobyl, not Chernobyl), which asks the question: “Why live in Chornobyl?” to which the babtsi responded, “because it's home.”
Go check it out; you’ll see the region’s terrifying beauty for yourself.
4. Ukrainians are no more racist than anyone else in this world
Unfortunately, we all have our prejudices. In my opinion, these prejudices have been shaped by others, experiences, and just straight up human ignorance. But we have them, and that’s a reality. And there is a huge difference between racist semantics and the limits of linguistic vocabulary. I am talking the controversial Ukrainian word ‘негер’ (pronounced ‘neger’), which is controversial in the most premature of ways. ‘Негер’ in Ukrainian means ‘black’, just like “negro” in Spanish means ‘black’. Reading this Washington Post publication about a black journalist’s time in Ukraine made me feel both compassionate and yet very abashed. For one, I will never know what it’s like to be black in a world that has such a deep and dark history of negative and debilitating perspectives on black people. But number two, I lived in Ukraine and became a fluent speaker and when Ukrainians say ‘негер’ or ‘негрів’, they are not calling you the n-word, they are using the means of their linguistic capacity and therefore calling you ‘black’- and I get it, not that it should matter anyway, right? This is so important to understand because this caused a lot of strife for Ukrainians expecting copious tourists open armed for the Euro Tournament and after. In fact, Ukrainians have caught on to the understanding that their word for ‘black’ is not widely accepted by unknowing tourists, so they’ve begun to say ‘чорна’ (pronounced ‘chorna’), meaning ‘black’ too. Like ‘чорний чай’ or ‘чорна людина’. Anyway, for the sake of clarity and for the sake of anyone who will or wants to travel to Ukraine, I thought this important to mention.
You and anyone alike will be accepted there. We welcome you.
5. Ukrainians are modern; they don’t live in grassy knolls without electricity or modern technologies
Living a busy life, I swore by the crock pot. Throw in some potaters, some meat, veggies, and bam! Eight hours later, dinner is served. Also, Andriy (my hubs), he had and still has this insane obsession with shiny toasters, so we bought one. Having to pretty much bake everything from scratch (they don’t do the Betty Crocker boxed stuff there), I invested in a handheld blender to make my life a little more American. I also blow dried my hair whenever I damn well pleased and gave a damn, and at one point, even had an electric toothbrush. I also bought this counterfeit windows software computer that I’m currently writing on, and although it has nearly caused the death of me many times (one specifically: permanently deleting my MA research), it still works and works well. So you get the picture- people are modern in Ukraine. They use modern technologies just like us here in the US of A; they download porn illegally and text and drive just like we do. Nothing special. Moving on.
6. Ukraine is super easy and most importantly CHEAP to visit
I don’t know if this is a complex of the American millennial generation, because thanks to corporate America, we’re livin la vida broka, but I’ve met too many young people that think exploring other lands is going to treacherously burn a gaping hole in their pocket, and break them so bad financially that they shall never recover. I’m here to put your worries to rest, fellow earthworms, you can do it, you can travel on a budget and a great place to start is in Ukraine.
Worth mentioning, and not intended to steer potential tourists from such places, but traveling to classic tourist destinations such as Paris and Barcelona are going to be pricey ventures. I mean, this won’t change your mind; I know the traveler mentality- once your mind is set on something, you’re doing it. Live long and prosper.
But Ukraine is cheap and getting there is also cheap! From ABQ, NM I can fly round trip to Lviv and back on just 600 bucks. Furthermore, you can feast like the royalty you are on about 30 bucks a day- and that’s a max number, folks. You could spend way less and still eat like you’re Ted Bundy during his last meal before his execution by electric chair. Ok, that analogy may have been a bit much, but you’re feelin’ what I’m feelin’.
Also, Ukraine has an advanced system of public transportation. I’ve literally sat on ‘маршрутки’ (pronounced ‘marshrutky’ and meaning ‘yellow devil buses’), that have made stops literally every half block. Like, we’re European here; can’t we walk another 5 minutes? Sheesh! And the variety of transportation is fun and depending on your spice for life that day, you can choose any type that will truly complement your mood. Feeling like you can take on the world? Take a marshrutka for 2 hryvn (2 pennies) on an exceptionally hot summer day and bask in the aromas of stranger’s armpits, a suffocating fear of ‘протяг’ (pronounced ‘protyag’ and meaning ‘wind draft’), and endure the wrath of mean ass ‘тітушки’ (pronounced ‘titushky’ who are individuals identified by their Adidas track suits) and baptsi (identified by transporting, on average, 20 pounds of cabbage heads and onions). Also, be sure you’re not suffering from laryngitis on this ride; you’ll be needing a loud and daunting voice to shout at your driver to slow the f*** down before he misses your stop going Mach 80.
Otherwise, you can take a 200 year old tramway, but wear your walking shoes! These puppies break down and often, leaving you to walk the next four miles or so to your appointment in rain, hail, sleet or snow.
Or, hail a cab! And speed 40 miles above the speed limit through residential zones and red lights. A common detour is taking the pedestrian designated sidewalk- there’s never wasting a minute in Ukraine!
Most of all, Ukrainians are super helpful. If you’re lost, you have a question, or simply look like a dumb tourist; Ukrainians will likely take it upon themselves to protect you with their very lives. Many a time I’ve had the pleasure of meeting great people who have been so helpful, I thought the only true symbol of my gratitude was to give them a hug- but don’t do that, especially to strangers. It was people such as those who made my near four years in Ukraine an absolute privilege.
7. Ukraine is not a poor country
Well, not exactly. Ukraine doesn’t have much of a middle class, but it's growing; unlike our America where our middle class is slowly depleting. What Ukraine does have, and what we’ll know firsthand if we elect Trump to the Oval Office, is that the rich are exceptionally rich, and the poor exceptionally poor. But this isn’t an entirely terrible thing. Like a lot of once-oppressed nations, Ukraine and Ukrainians sweat and bleed innovation. They’re like the Cubans of Eastern Europe. They think of everything and they’re frighteningly resourceful. Yeah, they’re not the best recyclers, they still leave their dog shit in the middle of park sidewalks, but they’re getting better and all you have to consider is that they’re having to make tremendous headway in a time of perpetual advancement, and with very little to no support on their side (minus me- Slava, biznatches!)
Because of their overcoming years of hardship, Ukrainians have learned to help each other. Just look at the Euromaidan. When literally nobody was on their side, not even the media to tell the truth and quit their sensationalizing, not even Europe despite Ukraine’s bloody fight for European association, Ukrainians helped each other. Even people with little to nothing scrounged up what they could to help their cause and aid their fellow brothers and sisters. It was an amazing time to be there, and inspired me so much so that some friends and I organized a charity event that raised literally 1,000 hrvn (42 bucks) to purchase sulfa for wounded soldiers.
And Ukrainians are a wealth of knowledge. Shit, I was even put in the predicament of some knowing more about my country’s history than I knew about their country’s history. Granted, their country is much older than mine, but still, that’s their knowing thousands of years of history concerning their country and then just a couple of hundreds of years of history concerning my country, and 2 plus 1 equals 4, and worm holes, and string theory, and boom- EINSTEIN!
But one of the biggest highlights of my time in Ukraine was living through and being a part of their grassroots media revolution, which came in tandem with the Euromaidan. This was huge. Ukraine implemented their first public broadcast channel, called ‘Hromadske’, and thus began the epoch of Sergiy Skrypyn, a famous journalist as big and famous as, say, Anderson Cooper- ok, not really. Ukrainians were quick to criticize Skrypyn when he too morphed into a Ukrainian Pre-Madonna and thought his shit didn’t stink. But too bad for him that we already know everybody’s shit stinks. But the point is- journalists are celebrities in Ukraine. Like, in America it's Katy Perry and The Rock Johnson, but in Ukraine, its investigative journalists that dig deep and uncover reputation-killing evidence on corrupt ass political leaders. Ok, they also slobber over their own goofy Ukrainian celebrities, but still!
8. Ukraine is safe; no need to fear the KGB that no longer exists, btw
Aside from friends back home telling me I’d pack on the pounds in Ukraine because their cuisine is super rich (BUT SUPER DELICIOUS!), I was also told to beware of their corrupt ass cops who are supposedly known for taking advantage of foreigners by confiscating their passports and requiring them to pay high prices for their return. Guys, Ukraine, remember was the first post-soviet nation to open its borders in a free-visa regime with the USA. It therefore, became the first post-soviet nation to house an American embassy, which today is one of the biggest in Europe. And yeah, cops (especially before 2014) were corrupt. Some were probably more inclined to take bribes when writing tickets because they were crooked and yeah, they were also being paid shit. Also, yes, there have been tragic stories concerning amnesty breaches by cops that have garnered huge media attention, and rightfully so. But today is a new dawn and breed of Ukrainian cops. Highly trained, coed, dressed to the nines, and significantly more financed, Ukrainian cops are a new symbol of pride for Ukrainians. Just go on Instagram and check out a Ukrainian profile- you’ll likely see at least one picture of them selfie-ing it up with a Ukrainian cop.
Why the change?
Well, it’s one of the most successful reforms so far and it’s pretty much heavily financed by the USA (proud to be an American). Just like Georgia (the country, not the state), Ukraine canned all of their former cops, and did a serious selection process that filtered only the best candidates to complete a new police task force training operation. Paid a better salary, there is a new incentive to those in uniform to do the best job they possibly can, and guess what- they do! Not to mention, they’re no longer called ‘cops’, but ‘police’, and there is word that Ukraine has even implemented an FBI branch. Way to go.
9. Ukrainian traditions are Ukrainian
When I traveled through the Balkans, I was amazed to hear my friends recognize Ukraine for its Russian roots. I guess this is understandable given that even the Balkans is influenced by Putin propaganda. But most of all, I thought it sad to know that Ukraine was recognized for something it wasn’t. It’d be like America being recognized for our British colonial heritage; although by the time George Washington was born, he would become the epitome of the American identity and American patriotism. (He’s my celebrity crush, btw.) So, let’s clear this up- Ukraine is not a lineage of Russia, in fact, Ukraine AND Russia are descendants of Slavic & Finnish-Hungarian tribes, just like Macedonia, Slovakia, Poland, Belarus, etc. Celebrations like Ivana Kupala, as an example, are not strictly Russian; they are Slavic pagan rituals that many nations practice. Do the Scotts like being called British? NO! So, the same shit goes for this case. Russia is Russia and Ukraine is Ukraine. Boom! Bam! Thank you Sam!
10. Ukraine is a sovereign and, most importantly, an independent nation
Since 1991, Ukraine has been an independent nation. In fact, it was the crusher nation of the Soviet Union- it was the nation that collapsed its iron gates of fiery hell. That’s my biased opinion; just like everything else in this piece. Because you will find the occasional Ukrainian or two of that generation that wholeheartedly miss the Soviet Union. They claim life was ‘predictable’ and that the quality of goods was ‘unbeatable’. Go figure, on account Ukraine receives large imports of delicatessen goodies from culinary capitals such as Italy, France and Georgia. And Ukrainians are now free to travel anywhere in the world, wherever they please. Furthermore, Ukraine is a democratic state that indeed has a rule of law. I’ve been told that Ukraine even has one of the best written Declaration of Independence’s in the world. Hmmm… But! This brings me to my next point, when referring to Ukraine; it’s simply ‘Ukraine’ and not ‘The Ukraine’. Anyone who talks like this just makes me cringe, not because it’s ungrammatical, but because it’s rude. ‘The Ukraine’ was a phrasal noun that Russians referred to as Ukraine during the Soviet Union. I once asked a teacher why this pissed them off so much, and they answered, “because it rejects our sovereignty.” And it seems this idea is a common one- just read this TIME article.
All in all, I hope I provided a bit of insight into a world I called my home for nearly four years of my young life. But most of all, I hope I cleared up some misconceptions that, although seemingly benign, are big pet peeves to not only people like me, but to the people of Ukraine, to which I hope you’ll one day visit, that is, if you haven’t already. Maaan, what a world we live in; that all you need to know about a place before ever experiencing it already waits for you at your fingertips.
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